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3 Lessons Learned on a Self-Worth Journey

Updated: Apr 9, 2021

What's the value for your worth?

Many of us "think" we know our worth but if you took a close look at the way you think, feel, and behave on a regular basis OR the things you allow yourself to accept, you'll begin to see what is currently determining your value.

Before I jump into the lessons, let's take a second to define self-worth.

Self - Worth → the sense of one's own value or worth as a person.

Simply put, YOU are responsible for your worth, you're the boss of your value.

I'm Alicia Howell, the courageous transformational coach and it took me 27 years to understand that I was letting ideals and expectations from this world set the value for my worth.

I use to dim my light around greatness until I realized that we could all be great and shine together. I use to feel that I wasn't qualified or equipped for the calling on my life until I surrendered my flow to God. I would not accept the bold and courageous woman that other people saw in me because I didn't carve out space to see my own reflection. I battled (still battling) with being a perfectionist because I didn't want to let those who believe in me down. I would help others just so I wouldn't have to entertain the negative chatter in my head. Also, because I didn't come from money, I didn't think I could generate a lot of it. I was so busy trying to prove that I was loyal and loving that I would put others before myself. I had low-self worth because I allowed the world to teach me.

Here's what I learned on the journey to define my worth:

1. Surrender the unknown

On Feb 4, 2019, I was laid off from my Corporate America job, which I was praying to be released from btw. I was expecting to get another job but I KNEW that God was leading me into new territory. I didn't know what it was exactly which brought on strong feelings of fear, doubt, and worry. As time passed he showed me things and put me in rooms I never imagined I'd be. Everything was so new but I wanted to hurry up and figure out what he had planned for me so I started crafting up my own plans which brought me tons of confusion and frustration. When I decided to surrender my plans, his desires became my desires. I decided to have faith and trust in the unknown because we are co-creators with the creator of all and he is faithful to lead you where you are called IF you follow his lead.

Release all expectations, doubt, fear, and worry through a heartfelt prayer. Get on yo knees and pour your heart out, hold on to hope, and pay attention. Don't focus on the right words or posture, go to him as you are. Surrender all things you thought you knew and accept the possibility of daily renewal. Things will begin to shift when you SURRENDER!

2. Get clear on your current mindset to make a shift

Our current mindset is driving every thought, emotion, and behavior. Getting to the root cause of my belief system really exposed the good, bad, ugly, and shame hiding in my subconscious mind. I had to be willing to revisit memories from my childhood that I didn't know were there due to severe suppression. I learned that I battled with extreme abandonment and rejection issues!! My mom had me at the age of 15 so I was partially raised by my aunt and uncle until she became of age. Growing up, I use to think that she didn't want me or that I wasn't important to her because although I didn't live with her, I saw her regularly. That one negative belief told me that "people won't show up for me when it really matters". When people fall short, I use to get wildly upset. Like my heart would crush into pieces like a glass being shattered on the ground. I wouldn't say anything about it though, I kept it to myself because I didn't think I mattered enough to them anyway.

Do you see how that experience as a young girl shaped my mindset about people? And that's only ONE limiting belief!

Give yourself permission to go to those dark places and be vulnerable enough to admit the truth. This allows you to see what has shaped your reality and make the necessary shift needed to feel worthy.

3. Forgive Yourself

We walk around with a lot of shame, sometimes unknowingly. I was in a relationship with a guy I thought was gonna be my husband. I knew that we weren't in the same place spiritually but he had a good heart and was genuinely a good person. In the beginning, we clicked, everything seemed to be going in the right direction, we were praying together, discussing our dreams, attending marriage counseling, met each other families, intellectual conversations, intentional date nights, etc. But after about 10 months, things started shifting, I noticed that he wasn't as present with me. He started making excuses as to why he could no longer show up the way he use to and in May 2019 he broke up with me. He said that I was too precious and too valuable to get cheated on. My spiritual growth also seemed to be a factor in his decision making but that's for another day.

See, I wanted to wait until marriage to have sex because I learned a lot about soul ties and energy exchanges. I don't want to share my beautiful sacred temple with just anyone and I made that mistake with him. We weren't having sex frequently but we did slip up like 3-4 times lol So when he broke up with me I was more pissed than sad and as I began to heal I realized that those emotions were stemming from shame. I was ashamed that I put my boundaries down for a man that wasn't my husband. I was ashamed that I let the whole world know I chose him and he didn't choose me back. I was ashamed because this was now another failed relationship when I was genuinely a bomb girlfriend!!

I realized that I was filled with shame because I didn't value myself enough to uphold my boundaries from the beginning of the relationship. Had I loved myself enough to not settle I wouldn't have been in that relationship at all because I would've honored my intuition. But I released that shame through forgiveness.

Have you been holding on to something due to shame? Try forgiveness!

I had to forgive myself because my life is a journey of constantly learning how to become the best version of me. Choosing to be offended by his actions was allowing him to have more power over me than he deserved. I had to forgive both of us so that I could be free to let go and move forward. Through that forgiveness, I am now able to have extreme gratitude for that relationship because it gave me more clarity on what I will and will not accept. Forgiveness allowed me to see that I deserve to be happily in love with a man that loves himself enough to serve me from his overflow.

Those 3 lessons were significant paradigm shifts for me and I have so much more.

With immense peace, truth, and gratitude I can now speak and write that I am a strong, bold, fearless, and courageous woman with a heart of gold and a spirit of humility. I have the gift of resilience which helps me to keep moving forward always. I am my own hero who chose to use my power to save myself. I am worthy of love, abundance, prosperity, wealth, and liberation.

The year 2019 was a year of drastic changes that brought me the greatest gift I could ask for which is a relationship filled with unconditional love with MYSELF.

Today is my 27th birthday and I am beyond excited for another year around the sun. I'll be taking you on the journey with me.

Until next time,

Your Courageous Queen

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